The spark – a feeling of sudden heat, instant passion and undeniable chemistry. The media, romantic comedies and romance novels, have all programmed us to crave an instant spark. After all, who doesn’t want to find the love we see in the movies?
We’re all guilty of blaming a bad date to having “no spark” as a way out of really addressing why the person we met wasn’t right for us. What’s really going on here? Let’s take a deeper look!
At It’s Just Lunch we witness this first hand – sometimes our clients go on a date and report back that there wasn’t an instant “spark;” thus, they aren’t interested in pursuing a second date. If the first date went well but you aren’t sure if it’s the right fit, give it a second date and see where it goes! We always encourage clients to give it a second try – what do you really have to lose? We’ve seen this advice prosper into many lasting relationships. Relationships that never would have occurred if these clients only relied on an instant spark.
I’m certainly not saying that the spark is a myth that we make up to justify why we want to see someone again, but what I am saying is that relationships and connections aren’t always instant and they need time to grow! It is okay to call it quits if you have a miserable first date! However, there are so many factors, first date jitters being one, which can get in the way of a great first date. Nerves can make anyone feel and act unnatural!
If you enjoyed your time and had good conversation – give it more time. Everyone and every situation is different – but generally, after three dates, you should be able to discern if there is or isn’t something there.
Writing someone off too soon, may cause you to miss out on the love you’re looking for. Some relationships develop slower than others. Who’s to say these relationships are any less loving, passionate and meaningful than relationships that start with an instant spark?
After all – the spark can fade! Often people who feel this instant electricity don’t last past the honeymoon stage, because once the spark fades, they lack common values or miss the excitement they once had. Moral of the story – give everyone a chance.
Relationships aren’t formed over the course of an hour long lunch date, it takes time to build connections. Wouldn’t you rather give it a second chance and know for sure it wasn’t the right fit than instantly dismiss a date because you didn’t feel an instant “spark”? Don’t miss out on something great!