Do you feel like you are fighting for your significant other’s attention?
It seems as if they are either always at the office or plugged into their phone checking emails, responding to texts or answering calls. Plans are constantly being rescheduled and your significant other is willing to put anything aside for work – chances are you are dating a workaholic!
Relationships need care. Working too much, and in result, neglecting a significant other can have extremely negative effects on any relationship.
If you’re dating a workaholic, ask yourself, what drives my partner? Consider some probable causes: Do they have a highly demanding boss? Are they picking up the slack for a lazy coworker? Are they driven by the need for approval? Are they working on a business start-up? Seeking a promotion? Does he/she come from a family of hard-workers, and was brought up to think their work habits are normal? Try to put yourself in your significant other’s shoes and understand why work is so important to them!
Avoid playing the blame game – explain that you want more time together. Patience and open communication are essential – talk to them about how their work schedule makes you feel. It’s important that they understand life goes on, outside the office. Remind them you’re proud of them – no career – but just for who they are!
Bring perspective. Ask them if they were at the end of their life, what would be their greatest memory? What would they value most in life? Chances are, it’s not their job! Discuss the future, both personal and career goals. They may be truly passionate about what they do and love immersing themselves in their work. Or they may foresee the next five years as the time they need to focus on establishing themselves.
The signs of dating a workaholic should be easy to spot early on – decide if the relationship is worth fighting for. Keep in mind that you can never force someone to change who they are – in some situations, you may have to just accept who they are and decide whether the two of you are a fit or not.
He/she might not understand work/life balance. Talk to your partner – set boundaries together! Try to compromise and set ground rules. Set aside certain nights for just the two of you – no work! Turn off all electronics at dinner so there isn’t any temptation to check email or answer a quick call. Meet for lunch once a week. Most importantly, make the most of any time you have together.
Be independent! Keep a variety of hobbies and socialize with friends to avoid being too dependent on his/her company. Set goals for your own growth. There are also some positives to dating a workaholic. For example, it can motivate you to advance your professional career. You will never feel suffocated, and the time you do have together will be that much more valued.
Each relationship is unique. Each relationship presents challenges and requires work. Above all else, it’s about establishing what works for you! Focus on both understanding what drives your partner, and setting aside time specifically designated for together time away from all distractions!
Ghosting: the new annoying trend in dating.
Everyone classifies ghosting a little differently, but in a nutshell ghosting is when you’ve been out on multiple dates with someone and you’re having a fantastic time – you might even have entered into the ‘exclusively dating’ phase and then all of the sudden *POOF* one day, they are gone. Never to be heard from again.
Unfortunately…yes. It’s a growing trend in the dating world – instead of men and women drumming up the courage to break it off with the person they’ve been dating they opt to shut them out and disappear completely. Some people even go so far as to delete their social media pages, disconnect their phone number, or change jobs in order to effectively ghost someone. It leaves the ‘dumped’ party feeling totally confused, abandoned and unsettled. I think the best of us want to believe that something MUST have happened to the ghost – I’ve heard everything from maybe they got into a bad accident or maybe they got called away on an international work trip and they haven’t had a chance to call. I’m sorry, but there is a .01% chance that that’s actually the case. We’d all like to believe they’ll turn up with some crazy (but true) reason why they disappeared and you’ll live happily ever after, but sadly this is the real world. 99% of the time the cold, hard truth is that you’ve been ghosted.
Why do people ghost? There’s a ton of reasons why someone might do this. In the modern age of so many different online dating apps and avenues to meet people, the mentality for a lot of singles is ‘on to the next one!’ without considering feelings or providing an explanation to the ghostee. With the popularity of online dating, people feel less and less responsible for their actions because they are having less face-to-face interactions, they aren’t considering that they are hurting someone. They just aren’t interested in anymore and don’t feel invested enough to tell you. All it takes now is to swipe left or right to see what you’re future could hold – that’s a whole lot of temptation, especially if you aren’t committed to someone.
Do I think ghosting is okay? No. At It’s Just Lunch, ghosting has never been an issue because the people that join are serious about dating and don’t see it as a joke or as an avenue to burn through a hundred matches in 10 minutes – they are looking for quality, real people to start a relationship with. However, I have heard stories from clients about being ghosted using other apps and services. It’s a sad, pathetic truth of the modern dating world that everyone should be aware of.
The worst part is, there aren’t any real identifiers for a potential ghost. Our advice? Keep your dates light and casual in the beginning and don’t dive into anything too serious too soon. And most importantly – don’t ever ghost someone.
Have you experienced ghosting? Share your advice on how to deal in the comments!
Inspiration for this post Ghosting: A New Breakup Strategy?
Just because we are in DC doesn't mean we can't be super excited for our Minneapolis office...
The It's Just Lunch Minneapolis team is celebrating today on behalf of our clients Carrie and Kurt! They recently gave us a call to let us know that they were engaged and are planning their wedding.
Carrie and Kurt met last April and hit it off right away. It was his first date with IJL and her third! They got engaged on February 15th – here is the proposal story:
“On February 15th Kurt surprised me with a ring. He invited all of our children to come to Walker, MN for an overnight stay in a condo on Leech Lake. We were playing Catchphrase and it was Kurt’s turn to give clues…his clue was…’something that I would like to do with Carrie’…my son answered “get engaged”. The kids were all in on the surprise! It was just how I wanted it to be!”
Carrie had some great things to say about her IJL experience:
What was your favorite part about dating through IJL? “The matchmakers met one-on-one. The interview was very in-depth!”
What advice do you have for people who are considering joining a dating service? “What do you have to lose? It is really an investment! It is fun to meet new people and get out. It gives you a chance to find a quality person. There really is little to worry about…if you don’t click with the person, just give IJL your feedback so they can fine tune your next one! All you need to do is say…it was nice to meet you and move on.”
They will be getting married next Summer 2016 and we are absolutely thrilled for them! If you would like more information about It's Just Lunch give us a call at 312-881-5225 who knows...you could be next!!
Who doesn’t love a good vacation? A time to get away, travel to a new destination, and take a break from the daily grind. Maybe you’ve been dating someone new or have been with your significant other for almost a year now – how do you know you are ready to take your first vacation together?
This first getaway can be a great opportunity to further your relationship and take things to another level. When planning, keep these tips in mind to guide you through your first vaca as a couple.
Above all, live in the moment and enjoy your time together – vacations are about quality time, new experiences and creating memories!