I’d like to present you with two first date scenarios, and leave you to guess which of these matches has the best long-term potential.
Date A: You hit it off right away. The banter is friendly, and you seem to know what the other is saying before the words leave their lips. You find you have a few things in common but really, it’s more about this FEELING. You and your date are totally in sync.
Date B: The content of the conversation is fun but there are some awkward pauses. You find you have a lot in common but the back-and-forth is a little stilted. Not terribly so, but you’re feeling as though you’re not really jiving with this person.
So, which would you pick? Obviously Date A, right?
I’d put my money on Date B.
This is very important: on a first date with someone, if conversation flows easily right away it may ONLY mean you have a similar communication style as the person you are sitting across from. It may feel easy and natural but sometimes we mistake that ease for chemistry or even worse - the assumption that this is the RIGHT person for us. Should you go out on a second date with this person? Absolutely! But don’t start writing your wedding vows just yet.
On the flip side, the person with whom you just shared a slightly awkward lull in conversation could very well be your soul mate. This person might be a great match for you, but it may take up to three dates for your communication style differences to blend into an easy chemistry that you may not have noticed at first.
This is why at IJL we always tell our clients to go on at least two dates with everyone! We have found that most people are more comfortable and are more themselves on a second or third date.