What is ghosting? Everyone classifies ghosting a little differently, but in a nutshell ghosting is when you’ve been out on multiple dates with someone and you’re having a fantastic time – you might even have entered into the ‘exclusively dating’ phase and then all of the sudden *POOF* one day, they are gone. Never to be heard from again.
What? Does this actually happen?
Unfortunately…yes. It’s a growing trend in the dating world – instead of men and women drumming up the courage to break it off with the person they’ve been dating they opt to shut them out and disappear completely. Some people even go so far as to delete their social media pages, disconnect their phone number, or change jobs in order to effectively ghost someone. It leaves the ‘dumped’ party feeling totally confused, abandoned and unsettled. I think the best of us want to believe that something MUST have happened to the ghost – I’ve heard everything from maybe they got into a bad accident or maybe they got called away on an international work trip and they haven’t had a chance to call. I’m sorry, but there is a .01% chance that that’s actually the case. We’d all like to believe they’ll turn up with some crazy (but true) reason why they disappeared and you’ll live happily ever after, but sadly this is the real world. 99% of the time the cold, hard truth is that you’ve been ghosted.
Why do people ghost? There’s a ton of reasons why someone might do this. In the modern age of so many different online dating apps and avenues to meet people, the mentality for a lot of singles is ‘on to the next one!’ without considering feelings or providing an explanation to the ghostee. With the popularity of online dating, people feel less and less responsible for their actions because they are having less face-to-face interactions, they aren’t considering that they are hurting someone. They just aren’t interested in anymore and don’t feel invested enough to tell you. All it takes now is to swipe left or right to see what you’re future could hold – that’s a whole lot of temptation, especially if you aren’t committed to someone.
Do I think ghosting is okay? No. At It’s Just Lunch, ghosting has never been an issue because the people that join are serious about dating and don’t see it as a joke or as an avenue to burn through a hundred matches in 10 minutes – they are looking for quality, real people to start a relationship with. However, I have heard stories from clients about being ghosted using other apps and services. It’s a sad, pathetic truth of the modern dating world that everyone should be aware of.
The worst part is, there aren’t any real identifiers for a potential ghost. Our advice? Keep your dates light and casual in the beginning and don’t dive into anything too serious too soon. And most importantly – don’t ever ghost someone.
Have you experienced ghosting? Share your advice on how to deal in the comments!