Minnesota Singles Scene by It's Just Lunch

What to say (and not say) to a single friend

What NOT to Say:

1. "What ever happened to your ex, so-and-so? He was so great!"

C’mon, ladies! Either your single friend got dumped, and chances are she doesn't want a nagging reminder, or she broke it off with him, in which case you've now got her wondering if she's made a catastrophic decision and will die alone underneath a pile of empty Lean Cuisine trays. Regret is the natural enemy of your unmarried friends, so don't push her headfirst into the abyss of "What if?"

2. "You don't have to get married, you know. Plenty of women don't!" 

Ah, true. Plenty of women around the world also lack indoor plumbing...shall I try that, too? Yes, it’s true, plenty of women don’t get married. But if your single friend is lusting for a Mrs., and you tell her she's fine as a Miss, all she'll hear is: "Well, odds are that you won't get your happy ending anyway!"

3. "He didn't open the car door??" (or a similar gripe about your single friend's new guy) 

Nothing's worse than having a rosy romance bubble burst by a naysaying BFF. If someone picked apart your courtship with your husband, it would not be the stuff of legends, either. Unless he's a serial killer or an unemployed mime, cut your singleton some slack, and try to be supportive of her.

4. "Couples party!"

When you're not in a relationship, the entire planet seems to be designed with married folks in mind, so throwing a couples-only event or dinner party can make your hubbyless friend feel even more isolated. Instead of excluding her, ask the men to invite unattached guy friends, or at the very least, let her bring other single friends.

5. "You’re the fun, single friend! Go ahead and tell everyone at the table about your crazy adventures and what it’s like to juggle five men!" 

Sometimes a single girl may feel terrified that her married friends won't like her anymore if she arrives to brunch without a cache of outrageous dating adventures. Like that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie says over dinner to a married couple: “Hampton houseguests are always required to sing for their supper. Brokers give investment advice. Architects; design advice. Single people give married friends tidbits from their sexual escapades.” So, always be sure to let your single friend know that your friendship isn't just based on living vicariously through her. Sometimes, even single girls want to talk about things like those delicious burger recipes, too!

What Every Singleton Needs to Hear:

1. "We will always be friends—always!"

Navigating life without a man is one thing. But being without your girlfriends is excruciating. It’s easy for a single girl to worry that her BFFs will fade from the radars as their schedules fill up with weddings and pregnancies. This simple sentiment lets your single gals know you’ll always be there for them, and your marital status doesn’t change that.

2. "Nothing is ever perfect."

When it comes to love, there's the way you think it should happen, and then there's the way it actually happens. Reminding your single friend that no man/marriage/first date is flawless (and neither is she or you!) puts things in perspective. If she's truly looking for "the One," help her let go of the fairy-tale fantasy and bring her expectations back down to Earth…or just tell her to watch some Bachelorette and to grab a tub of ice cream.

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Article from 5 Things to Never Say to Your Single Friend...and 2 Things They MUST Hear on Redbookmag.com

"I can't wait to see him again!"

"Last night was great! She's close to her family, well traveled, she's really pretty and has a great personality. It's exactly what I'm looking for!"-Chad, 32

"Great! Such a wonderful time, he's a great conversationalist and great listener. He was so cute...he set up a picnic for us across the street from the restaurant. It was so sweet! He was really funny, smart and fun. I can't wait to see him again!"-Beth, 37

 

When is it ok to start dating again after a break-up?

 “It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them”—Charlotte York, Sex in the City.

When you go thru a breakup, no matter how serious the relationship was, it can be difficult to know when you’re ready to move on and meet someone new. Charlotte York from Sex in the City stated that it takes half the time of your relationship but there are many theories on how long it takes to heal a broken heart: days, weeks, months but no matter the amount of time they all have something in common…it’s never easy.  

Deciding when you’re ready to jump back into the dating scene is a personal decision and can vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. The Two of Us, a website dedicated to relationship tips and recourses offers questions to ask yourself when considering if you’re ready to move on.

• Can you speak of the relationship without feeling angry or bitter about the breakup?  This kind of reaction may be a turn-off to potential new love interests and may indicate that you are still grieving.
• If your ex wanted to rekindle the relationship how would you respond?  If your impulse is to take him/her back, you might not be ready to open yourself up to someone new.
• Do you find yourself continually talking about the relationship or your ex?  If conversations you have with friends and family typically leads to a story involving your ex, the situation is still in the forefront of your mind and you may need more time to talk through the hurt that the breakup has caused.
• Can you respond to memories of the relationship with a positive outlook?  Reminiscing, accepting the relationship for what it was and learning from it is often a sign that you are moving on. If you get the feeling of knots in your stomach whenever you see your ex or look at a picture, you might need more time.

For more advice on dealing with a breakup, click here.

When you’re in a good place to date again, dating with It’s Just Lunch is a good way to jump back into the dating scene. As First Date Specialists, we love coordinating fun, low-pressure dates for our clients. And we do all the work for you…from matching you to coordinating all the logistics of the date. All you have to do is show up and have fun….it’s just lunch!