Have a date coming up? Check out Bobbi Palmer’s tips on nine things you can do at the beginning of the date to make it a positive experience:
· Go in with the “I hope I like him” attitude. We usually approach meeting men with the “I hope he likes me” feeling. Start with whether he seems to be someone you like. This stops you from trying to read his mind and focuses you on what really counts: how you feel being with him.
- Find three things you like about him. Fight your habit to lead with the negative. Find reasons he can be ON your list rather than why you should check him off. It can be his timeliness, his smile, the restaurant he chose; what do you like about him?
- Compliment him. There’s a chance he’s nervous and feeling a little funky. Give him a sincere compliment early on to start off on a positive note. This will help him loosen up and, besides, it’s just nice!
- Think of it as practice. Every meeting is practice that brings you closer to Mr. I Love You. Statistically, your date won’t turn out to be him. So what? Here’s a chance to learn more about dating, men and yourself. After each date, jot down what you learned and apply that next time. See how no date is a waste?
- Dump your agenda. Don’t let it ruin your time if, in the first 10 minutes, he doesn’t appear to be your man. Just relax and be open to what comes up. You never know; you may just let yourself relax into a very nice feeling.
- Ask the right questions. It’s important to stay positive and put your best food forward. Avoid questions that lead to negative chatter. “So how’s the online dating thing going for you?” stings of the negative. How about “I liked what you said on the phone about [fill-in-the-blank]…I’d love to hear more.”
- Quiet those dang gremlins. We all have them: the voices that tell us we aren’t good enough or it’s not worth it. When these voices rear their ugly heads, take a deep breath and tell yourself “this is an opportunity I don’t want to miss.” (There are very effective ways you can learn to manage your gremlins and limiting beliefs. I can help you with that.)
- Let go of control. You are there to talk and listen to your date, not yourself. Your over-thinking and analyzing will exhaust you. Grab your grownup girl and remind her that you can’t read minds and there are two people involved here. Stop and pay attention to the man sitting in front of you. If you don’t, you may completely miss the man of your dreams.
- Be kind and practice empathy. He has fears and insecurities just like you. Don’t get hung up on some little thing he does that you instantly determine you just can’t live with. Consider why he’s doing it and if it truly is a deal breaker
For more of Bobbi's advice on dating, check out her website here.
