Dating can be fun, adventurous, and exciting, but it can also be a little bit scary. If you’re truly interested in finding that special someone, you must also open yourself up to rejection, heartache, and pain. It’s no wonder that both men and women at times face debilitating insecurities when it comes to dating. Admit it: There have been times on a date when instead of listening to what the other person had to say or looking out for possible chemistry, you couldn’t get out of your head your worst fears and least favorite qualities about yourself. They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but when it comes to insecurities and dating, guess what? We are all the same! No matter what we have going on below the belt, we all have similar expectations, hopes, and anxieties going into a date. Men and women are equally nervous about dating and actually share very similar insecurities – they just manifest themselves in slightly different ways.
The beautiful thing is that understanding your date’s insecurities will help ease your own, so you can both move on and enjoy your lunch without irrational thoughts and fears interrupting what could be fun, intimate, life changing moments. Guys and gals, here is the truth behind your own insecurities and your date’s. Pay attention to where they overlap and especially what you can do to boost both of your confidence levels so you can move on to the fun part of dating – finding love.
Top Five Male Insecurities On a Date:
1) Hairline
Guys, when you’re on a date explaining what you do for a living and where you grew up, you might notice that her eyes are studying your face and looking you up and down, but we promise she is not judging your hairline, worried about male pattern baldness, or wondering if you’ve ever tried Propecia. She’s simply trying to determine if it’s your eyes that she will forever see when she wakes up in the morning.
Now ladies, if your date makes a self-deprecating comment about his hairline, don’t just awkwardly change the subject to your dog’s Christmas present. If you look him in the eye instead and say, “I think bald men are totally sexy,” we promise that your date will improve immediately.
2) Body
We know you guys are secretly just as insecure about your weight and body type as most women, if not more so! Whether it’s the extra pounds you’ve gained since college, the size of what’s underneath those boxer briefs, or how your date towers over you in her four-inch heels, body image concerns can be all-encompassing on a date, but remember that women are far less visual than men, and get more hot and bothered by things like chivalry, intelligence, and a sense of humor. Tell her a good story or make her laugh and you’ll turn her on more than Ryan Reynolds’s abs ever could.
Ladies, remember to compliment your date! You want him to tell you that you look beautiful and you should do the same for him. Tell him that he has gorgeous eyes or that you like his suit, and be genuine about it. Even if you're not insanely attracted to him, we know you can find at least one positive trait to compliment. By putting kind, loving energy like this out, you'll get it back (even if it's not from this guy).
3) Sex
Guys, you must know that chances are you’re not going to end up getting down and dirty on your first date, but you probably still have sex on the brain! You’re probably already worrying about how to get from that Its Just Lunch date to the bedroom without completely embarrassing yourself, but we’re here to tell you that the sooner you stop worrying about that and start paying attention to your date, the faster you’ll end up in the bedroom with her.
As for you ladies, if you think there’s chemistry between you and this guy and you’re thinking naughty thoughts, too, let him know it so that he doesn’t waste any more time worrying about being shot down. Squeeze his hand, touch his arm, or wink at him, and hopefully he’ll take the hint. Alternatively, if you’re definitely not interested in ever having sex with him, don't lead him on with suggestive conversation! Let him know in a subtle, kind way that you’re just not feeling it.
4) Job
We know that some of you guys are concerned that if you’re not a Fortune 500 CEO, a fancy pants heart surgeon, or literally a rock star, your job won’t be impressive to a woman. Well, that’s simply not true, guys. Most women just want a guy who is passionate about life and has chosen something worthwhile or interesting to do with his time. Above anything, act positive about your job rather than whiney and negative about it and your date will automatically be more interested in you.
Ladies, if you get the idea that your date doesn’t want to talk about work, don’t push the issue. You’re not there to read his resume; you’re there to see if you two are compatible or have possible chemistry. Leave work at work and focus on having fun on the date.
5) Money
Guys, despite what you may be worried about, not every woman is obsessed with money. Don’t judge all women just because you’ve watched a few too many episodes of The Millionaire Matchmaker. The majority of women want a man who is compassionate, understanding, stable, honest, and who will make her feel loved and adored. These are all things that money can’t buy.
Ladies, if you aren’t really looking for love and are just looking for someone to pay your bills, we think you’re selling yourself short… not to mention the guys you’re dating.
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It’s Just Lunch contributing writers Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent are the authors of “How to Love Like a Hot Chick” and “Live Like a Hot Chick”. They have been featured on The Tyra Banks Show, Extra!, and the Today Show. Their work can be seen on the Huffington Post, Pop Sugar, Galtime, and in the pages of Maxim, Complete Woman, and numerous other publications.
