Cleveland Singles Scene by It's Just Lunch

The Three-Day Rule Is Outdated

There’s an interesting process that many of us go through when meeting someone for the first time on a date—almost like an internal checklist. Are they physically my type? Do they communicate well? What are they doing with their lives, and if so, are they happy doing it? But then come a laundry list of other attributes we may notice in the course of getting to know someone. How do intangibles fit into the dating equation?

In our latest It’s Just Lunch dating survey, we covered a select number of intangibles out of countless traits that people may possess based on recent trends we’ve noticed. Let’s dive in:

 

The “Text-Back”

There is an outdated mode of thinking called the “three-day rule” that often prevents men (or women) from calling after the first date for fear of seeming desperate. Our thoughts? If you enjoyed your date and want to see this person again, why not just communicate those thoughts? So, is a text to your date that evening after your first meet up appropriate, or just too soon?

A majority of both men (57%) and women (64%) said a text setting up a second date would be cute and they would gladly text back. In fact, 24% of men would call back if they received a text from a date; 13% of women were also inclined to call. Only 18% of men and 22% of women suggested a same-evening text might be a little “too soon.”

It’s Just Lunch’s take: If you enjoyed your date, why wait? But don’t abuse communication; a slew of texts could be a signal you are desperate.

If You Don’t Have a Job, At Least Have a Plan

So what if you’re unemployed? In the economy, it’s a common theme—even among professionals. Well, we have good news and bad news:

The bad news first. While about 65% of men surveyed by It’s Just Lunch said they would have no problem going out on a date with a women who was unemployed, women were far less amenable to the idea, with only 25% saying they would go out on a date with unemployed men. In fact, 33% of women said they would rule out a date entirely with a guy who is unemployed, compared to only 8% of men.

As we mentioned before, both our male and female respondents suggest we still tend to seek more traditional roles, even when it’s being set up for a first date. Men don’t mind providing to a woman who is out of work, but women seek men who have the ability to do some of the providing—at least an equal share of it. Here’s where the good news comes in. About 42% of women said they would consider a date with an unemployed man, as long as he had a plan for getting back on track.

What’s the key? Unemployment shouldn’t disqualify you from dating, but remember to focus on your own life too. The dating market isn’t as tough as the job market, but for both—having a plan is the difference between finding a successful match and being left out in the cold.

Feedback Friday

Adam and I had a great time! The date went really, really, well. The best date so far. It was a great conversation, we could talk about anything…we spent 4 hours together! –Caitlin, 32

Wow, that’s a good wow too. That was the best date I’ve ever been on. Ever! He’s gorgeous and we have so much in common both with our backgrounds and our interests. I was so nervous and had butterflies!-Sarah, 35

Does Your Career Have An Effect on Your First Dates?

When we aren’t eating, sleeping, playing, or working out, the vast majority of us are working. In fact, nowadays Americans work on average almost 8.6 hours per day, according to a 2010 survey from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Even though we spend well over half of our waking lives at work, do we allow our careers to define who we are? More importantly, do we bring up our careers on a first date?

Employment Benefits

According to the majority of our respondents, the question of one’s career on the first date is an inevitable topic of discussion, with 53% of both men and women saying they feel comfortable about bringing up the subject. However, 32% of men and 26% of women said they would only mention their careers in passing, but avoid the details, at least on a first date.

So, do you bring up your career on a first date? Why not? Your career path is certainly a valuable insight in to who you are as a person. However, don’t let it dominate the entirety of the conversation. On the other hand, acting completely aloof about your career will make you seem a bit cagey.

 

Traditional Ideals or 21^st Century Living?

Interestingly enough, men and women end up diverging when it comes to ideas about career paths, money, and unemployment or underemployment. Our survey uncovered a mix of attitudes between the sexes that suggested longstanding traditional thoughts about who should provide in a relationship, yet also demonstrate modern ideas about the “career-oriented couple.”

Consider this: do we want to date someone with similar professional aspirations in mind? For men, the concept split fairly evenly, with 49% saying they would like to date a woman on a similar track, and with 51% saying similarities in careers do not matter as much. For women, however, the stakes were slightly different. A clear majority of women (68%) said they prefer to date a man with similar career aspirations.

It’s even more interesting when it comes to the question of money. Women have a more egalitarian approach to the question of who earns what. While the majority of men, over 71%, wouldn’t care if they deduced their date made far less money than them, women were more split on the issue. About 22% said they wouldn’t care if they made more money than their date. Yet, 47% of women surveyed said it would be a bit of a concern to them and a further 24% said it presented a big concern.

In summary, when it comes to earning money in the 21^st century world, there’s something to be said about being on equal footing. After all, we’re well past Mad Men and Downtown Abbey-era thoughts on employment.

We're Excited For This New Dating Show

With our favorite TV shows starting to air their season finales, TV networks are starting to promote their summer TV lineup. You may have heard the buzz about Eva Longoria developing a new matchmaking series. Last week, the TV show The Choice was announced. Our office is excited to watch this!

The new Fox summer show is modeled similar to NBC’s The Voice, but instead of a singing competition, this is dating show…complete with the spinning chairs. The to-be-announced celebrities will “audition” their potential love interests, without seeing their physical appearance until they push the "love" button....the ultimate blind date!  

What do you think of this new dating show concept?

Looking to land a second date? We have some simple advice for you!

Listen: It’s easy to talk about yourself on a first date. Don’t forget to ask questions about date and listen. When you listen, it’ll be easy to ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation flowing. And, you never know…all that listening might make it easier to plan a 2^nd date. They might mention a movie they want to see, that they’re a baseball fan or have heard good things about a new restaurant in town.

Follow-Up to see if they got home safely: A simple text message asking if they made it home OK will not go unnoticed. Remember, chivalry isn’t dead!

Compliment: Everyone has first date butterflies and jitters. A genuine compliment goes a long way. “You look nice”, “You have pretty eyes”, “You have a great smile” goes far.  And don’t forget to smile.

Plan the second date on the first date: If there is chemistry on that first date, don’t waste time. Plan a second date while you’re finishing up your first date. It’s a great feeling walking away from a good first date knowing that there will be another. If you seem excited about getting to know him/her, they will be excited about getting to know you too, don’t play games.

Feedback Friday

The date went fine! We planned our 2^nd date and have talked since. He is talking about a baseball game in 2 weeks too, so that’s exciting! It was a good match.  –Cindy, 54

It was great with Carla! She’s the best match yet. The date went very well, she was engaging, intelligent and I found her attractive. We a lot in common, we definitely clicked! –Nate, 58

Dating Spreadsheets: What Not To Do

Last week, a single New Yorker's dating spreadsheet went viral after he sent the spreadsheet to a woman he recently went on a date with.

Note to our readers: do not do this.

The color-coded spreadsheet kept the information on his dates organized in the Excel document that listed their name, age, first impression, date information, post date notes and any follow-up communication.

At It's Just Lunch, we recommend taking notes about your match and jotting down your thoughts about the date when you share your feedback with our matchmaking team. But, take our advice and do not share with your date....you might just find yourself being the next dating story on the TODAY show.

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Picture from: Banker rates dates in a spreadsheet--then shares the file with one of them. 

Feedback Friday

"He was a nice man, I liked him. I thought he was good looking, he had an interesting background and he was funny. It was a fun date!" - Kathi, 44

"Thank you! That was an excellent match, I really like Kathi. She’s very pretty and very open and we have quite a bit in common. I felt chemistry with her and I look forward to seeing her for our 2^nd date." –Joe, 47

After The First Date: What You Should and Shouldn't Know

The first date is an opportunity for you to sit down with someone and get to know them (we recommend spending an hour and half together) and see if there is enough interest and chemistry for a 2^nd date. Simple, right?

It’s important to remember that it’s just a date…it’s supposed to be fun! Relax and enjoy the person sitting across the table from you and focus on the present…not if this person is “the one” in the future.

As the first date winds down, here are some things you should know and a few things you shouldn’t (save them for the upcoming dates).

You Should Know…

-If you have at least one thing in common

-If they asked you questions about yourself

-If they’re smart/funny/kind/confident

-If they seem genuinely interested in you

-If they’re employed

You Shouldn’t Know….

-How amazing their ex was

-Their religion or political beliefs (it can be a sensitive topic for a first date)

-How many other people they’re dating