Minnesota Singles Scene by It's Just Lunch

Don't be too available and some other dating don'ts...

1. Don’t be too available. If you’re letting your date know you’re free every night to get together, you’re probably not taking time for yourself. It’s important to keep pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends and people close to you. We don’t advise playing games with your date, but people with fulfilled lives make the best dates…you will be more interesting to talk too and have stuff to talk about on your 2^nd, 3^rd and beyond date!
2. Don’t let your eyes wander. It’s tacky and rude to check out other people when you’re on a date. Concentrate on the person sitting across the table from you. If you let your eyes wander around the restaurant, it shows you’re not interested about your date or dating.
3. Don’t drink too much. First impressions are important and if you get sloppy and drunk on your date, it’s tough to overcome that and all manners are out the window. Make sure you know your limit.

Our favorite feedback quotes this week...

“Steve and I had a lot in common which was so refreshing. He has a nice personality and we connected on our different life experiences. He’s open and honest, has good integrity and kind. We spent 3 hours together!”-Sherri, 47

“Sherri and I had a great first date. It went very well; she was the best person you’ve matched me with. We really connected on a lot of different things and I found her intelligent and attractive. We already had our 2^nd date too!”-Steve, 47

Help! My first date is tonight, do you have any tips for me?

We had a busy November in our office! Which means we have a lot of clients going on their first dates. Before you head out for your date, we've compiled some more "dating do's" for you:

1. Be interested. Remember to ask questions and converse back and forth with your date. When your date tells you what they like to do for fun, what book they just read, what music they listen to or what TV shows the love, pay attention. You never know, something they say might spark something to do for your 2^nd date!
2. Don’t String Them Along. If you’re not interested in seeing the person again, it’s good to be honest. Taking their number when you know you won’t follow up because you’re too scared to say “no” is hurtful and selfish. Let them down gently if you’re not interested and wish them best of luck.
3. Attraction is Subjective. If you’re attracted to the person, date them. Who cares if your friend/brother/co-worker/roommate doesn’t agree with you? Their approval doesn’t matter.
4. Stay Positive. With each and every date, you learn something more about yourself and the type of person you want to be with. The fairy tale saying is true, “You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.” Remember, dating is a numbers game. When a date goes bad, doesn’t mean the next one will.

It’s Time To Flirt!

Now that you’re engaged in a brilliant conversation with your date, it’s time to inject a little flirtation into the mix. Why? Because while good conversation will help strength a bond between two people, flirtation can help enhance chemistry; besides, you don’t want to get stuck into the “friend zone”, especially on a first date.

So what signals can you give off that mean you’re interested? Simple. Pay undivided attention to your date. Almost 50% of It’s Just Lunch survey respondents mentioned this as being a surefire sign the date went well. This means big things like actively listening and engaging in the conversation and little things such as turning the cell phone off, or not being distracted by what’s going on around you. Remember, a little attention can go a long way. So ride that wave it and make your partner feel special. If the date is going well, they’ll return the favor.

Sharing our favorite feedback...

“Lindsey and I had a good time together. She’s fun, very pretty, good sense of humor. She’s really interesting and we had a great conversation together. She has a good relationship with her family too which is important. It was a good match, looking forward to seeing again.”-Matt, 37

“The date with Robert went fantastic, we had a fabulous time! He was confident, pleasant to talk too and we didn’t have any uncomfortable or awkward moments. He had a great smile, his personality was great.”-Nancy, 42

More IJL Survey Results: Trending Topics and Turn-Offs to Avoid

Generally speaking, the vast majority of singles polled in our survey said “hobbies and interests” are among the easiest conversation topics to tackle. After that came travel, followed by family, movies, and food.

It’s easy to come up with ideas of what to talk about; however, what people often have problems doing is avoiding topics that shouldn’t be brought up in the first place. You’re best served by not bringing up any past conquests. In fact, the majority of respondents cited conversation along those lines as a major turn-off. You may also want to avoid talking about money, health problems, politics, and the future.

Now, some may say it’s disingenuous not to bring up discussion topics like those on the first date. What if politics, religion, money, physical ailments, or even an ex plays a large role in your life? The different between good conversation topics and bad conversation topics is simply, common ground. First dates are opportunities to meet people halfway and see what they are all about. Often times, the topics under the “avoid” column are there because they might alienate a date or are deeply personal. Since the goal of a first date is to get to know someone and make them feel comfortable, it’s best to avoid topics that will lead toward the opposite.

IJL Survey results: Conversation Tips For A First Date

In honor of 20 years of setting up first dates between singles around the country, It’s Just Lunch recently produced a survey based on our experiences—trust us, we’ve had a lot. We’ll share our findings with you and give you the inside scoop on tips that are timeless, tips that are played-out, and modern tips that may add a fresh edge to your love life. Enjoy!

Now that you’ve made a good first impression as we discussed in Part 1 of our series, it’s time to keep that momentum going. Whether you’re just engaging in a simple dinner, heading to an art gallery, going to a concert, or simply taking a stroll on a beautiful day, the point of a first date is to get to know someone and you can’t do that without conversation. With conversation, comes the opportunity for a bit of flirtation too, so we’ll be covering tips on do’s and don’ts. While you might think some these are straightforward, you’d be surprised how many stumble when it comes to chatting with a partner. Don’t worry; we’re here to help.

Good Conversation: Worth 1000 Words

There’s an old Buddhist saying about conversations called “Right Speech” that basically means the following: speak warmly, friendly, and gently and you can make friends and avoid war. For our purposes, we’ll extend it into use on first dates in order to impress a partner. According to an It’s Just Lunch survey, over a third of singles mentioned easy conversation as an important component of compatibility. So what does this mean? You can dress to the nines, exude physical attractiveness, and even share a similar outlook on life; but if you can’t express yourself beyond that, then you’ll run into problems.

If you struggle with conversation on the first date or simply aren’t sure what to say, there are several tips we can help you with in order to get you going:

•  Know your current events. You don’t need to dive into the details of politics or the intricacies of a celebrity’s private life, but having a cursory knowledge of what’s going on will help drive conversation. Remember, ignorance isn’t necessarily bliss.
• Ask open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that may just have a yes or no answer.
• Remember something your date said and come back to it later on in the conversation if possible. Everyone loves a good listener; it means you’re interested in what they have to say.
• Throw a few jokes into the conversation if appropriate. But please, make sure they are clean and inoffensive.
• Be positive. This is probably the most important element to a first date conversation. While self-deprecation can be cute, it’s rarely a turn-on or a chemistry builder. The majority of people react well to positive thinking, so roll with it.  

 Stay tuned this week for more tips and results from our 20th Anniversary survey!

A few Dating Don'ts to keep in mind...

1. Remember the 2:1 rule. Do not contact your new crush more than twice without hearing a response from them. Contacting them via phone call, text, email, facebook excessively can show desperation and that can be a turnoff.
2. Don’t Lie. It’s good to be upfront and truthful about any aspect of your life within the first couple dates, even if you’re worried they won’t like it. You wouldn’t want to jeopardize a potentially long-term relationship because of some silly lie you told on your first date because you were trying to impress.
3. Don’t make the same mistake twice. It’s important to recognize traits and patterns that are bad for us. There is a reason why relationships with these people didn’t work out, don’t make the same mistake twice. It’s important to seek out healthy relationships with people who bring out the best in you.
4. Don’t tell too much. While it’s important not to lie, it’s also important to not reveal too much about ourselves at the beginning. Getting to know someone takes time and you should let the relationship evolve and grow naturally. Opening up about deep, dark secrets may lead to rejection.

Kris and Darcy featured on feedback Friday!

 “Darcy and I had a nice time together, we had a ton of things in common and I definitely felt a connection with her. We exchanged information and I’m excited to see her again. A great match! Keep matching me with girls like her.”-Kris, 31

“I thought it went very well. We had a really good time and made plans to grab dinner. He’s much more my type! We had a lot in common and he was easy to talk too. He’s positive, athletic and cultured! Great match!”- Darcy, 28

Gearing up for a date this weekend? Here are some Dating Do's

1. Be on Time! If you show up late, it sends your date the wrong vibe right away…that you don’t want to be there. It also increases those first date jitters and butterflies as your date sits and waits for you, why make the date more nerve-wracking than it already is?
2. Dress to Impress. Yes, it’s important to look your best, first impressions are huge on a first date. If you show up messy, it show’s you don’t care. And if you don’t care about meeting someone, why bother going out in the first place? If you’re not sure what to wear, ask a close friend to help you pick out your outfit, they will be honest on what looks best.
3. Enjoy Yourself. Yes, dating can be scary. But remember, dating is supposed to be fun! So, relax and enjoy getting to know the person sitting across the table from you.
4. Give Compliments. We just advised that dressing to impress is important so it’s equally as important to compliment your date that their hard work paid off. A little flattery goes far!

Stay tuned for some more dating do's....and some don'ts!