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Shayla Offers Some Dating Etiquette Advice

This week is National Etiquette Week, the national recognition of etiquette and protocol in all areas of American life- business, social, dining, travel, technology and of course, dating. We asked Shayla to provide some dating tips and dating etiquette advice to our blog readers. 

Keep The Conversation Flowing.

Show interest in your date by asking questions about their family, job, interests and hobbies. First date conversations should be about learning about the other person.  

Women: The way you talk on a date should be like a tennis match, the man should talk three times as often. It should be 3:1. He volleys, volleys, volleys, now you talk. You can answer the question, but then you lead him with your question and it should be topical to the conversation he’s having. Don’t say, “Hey, do you want to get married?”, “What’s your ex-girlfriend like?” or “Hey, are you a drinker?” These aren’t good questions for a first date, keep it light. 

Look Good, Smell Good.  

A guy knows right away if he’s attracted to you or not. There’s no warming up. I like to say, “Men are microwaves, women are Crockpots”. Women heat up very slowly. They take in information; they decipher it and download it onto their computer. Men know in one second, yes or no.

Grooming is vital for the first date, and any date for that matter. Take the time to shower, do you hair, do your makeup (for the ladies), dress nice (your clothing and dress are very important) and apply that special scent. This will help you feel comfortable in your own skin.

Avoid The Taboo Subjects.

This list can be lengthy, yet if not adhered to, the conversation can turn south quickly. Religion, politics, past relationships, break-ups, gossip, marriage, kids and secrets are off limits. If your relationship progresses, there will be time for all of that later.

Use Your Manners.

The key to a good date is to smile. Engage with eye contact. Ladies, let him lead and then you compliment little things along the way. If he orders the dessert and you guys share it, say, “Oh, this is the best chocolate mousse, I’m so glad you picked this.” Manners are key. “Thank you’s”, “please’s” and “you’re welcome’s” all go a long way to show how polite you are on a first date.

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Our matchmaking team is working with great singles and with spring here and summer right around the corner, it’s a great time to meet someone! Plus, we take the hassle out of dating and you deserve to have some fun! For more information, email Shayla or give her a call directly at 414-224-9600.

 

Deadly Dating "Don'ts"

We came across this article on the Huffington Post about the “seven deadly dating sins”. The list of “dating don’ts” can ruin your chances at success in dating and relationships while also help you land a 2^nd date and help in your overall dating success after a divorce. Our office picked out a few of our favorite sins to share with you: 

Impatience. Chances are you won't find love on your first date. You probably won't find it in your first month, or even your first year of dating after your divorce. If you're serious about finding love again and you're doing everything possible to change ineffective dating patterns, it's important to be patient. You can only control what you can control (taking responsibility for your actions and your emotions). The rest is out of your control. So stay proactive and be patient. Impatience comes across as neediness, and that can be a love repellant. Good things come to those who have a great attitude and let go of love coming in one specific package. Your partner might show up in a way that surprises you. So, be open and patient.

Self-absorption. You can be self-absorbed without being totally selfish. Whether it's from insecurity or nervousness on a first date, work on increasing your self-esteem. If you talk incessantly about yourself on a date and don't listen well or ask enough questions, you will turn off your date and ruin your chance for a second date. Learn to listen. Your date will think you're the best conversationalist.

Lying. Character matters more than almost anything else in a relationship. Don't lie. Period. Not about your age, weight, or anything else big or small. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. That doesn't mean you get to disclose all of your deep secrets on a first or second date either. Keep the darker stuff to yourself until you're in a relationship. Your date doesn't want to hear about your bladder surgery until he/she likes you enough to care about all aspects of you.

Envy. Jealousy is ugly. Maybe you're jealous of an ex moving on, or you envy a friend who seems to have better luck in dating and earns more money than you. Instead of focusing your energy on begrudging how well they're doing, let other's successes inspire you to try harder. Don't bring that green monster of jealousy to your date. It's a total turnoff.

To check out the other dating sins, click here. 

A Few First Date Tips

First dates include butterflies, nerves and jitters. We don’t want to complicate things with too many rules but want to share a few tips that will get you through the first date and hopefully lead you to a second one. Good luck...and don’t forget to smile!

DO show up on time. First impressions count and being late is a surefire way to start the date off on the wrong foot.

DO look your best. This shows your date you’ve actually put some effort getting ready for the date, so dress to impress.

DO be courteous. Being polite and well-mannered shows your consideration for others. This includes the wait staff too!

DO Listen. Always pay attention to what your date is saying and ask follow up questions. This shows you are interested in the person sitting across the table from you and could even lead to second date ideas.

DO give compliments. Giving a genuine and positive compliment is a great boost and can help calm first date jitters.

DON’T be something you’re not. Trust us, your date will find out. Don’t be fake or lie about something. Be yourself!

DON’T use your cell phone. It’s rude and a major turnoff.

DON’T talk about your ex. Leave the past in the past and focus on the person sitting on the other side of the table from you. 

Spring Fling or Real Relationship? The Dos and Don'ts of having the 'What Are We?' talk

If you have been dating someone for a while and starting to wonder what your relationship means and what your status is, check out some of the Do’s and Don’ts of having the “What Are We?” talk that we found on MSN Living. Our favorites include:

DON'T feel like you have to have the talk if you're happy with the way things are. Everyone has a different "right" time to have the "what are we?" talk.

 DO look for signs he's ready too "Men generally communicate through their actions more than their words, so to gauge his interest, look at what he's doing, or not doing, to show he's interested in a relationship," says Andrea Syrtash, author of He's Just Not Your Type (and That's a Good Thing). "Is he making regular plans? Has he introduced you to people important to him? Take that as a sign he’s ready to move to the next step.

 DON'T let a few drinks initiate the conversation. 

 DO have the conversation face-to-face. As tempting as it might be to talk about this via phone, text or email, make sure you talk about this in person.  If you do want to have a relationship, then maturely discussing things in person is the absolute best way to start things off.

DON'T feel like the conversation has to be serious just because the topic is. "The talk shouldn't be heavy and pressure-filled," says Syrtash. "If you want to tell him or her you see more potential, you can let them know in a fun and upbeat way. You can let them know you put your membership on hold or took your online dating profile down. That may open up the conversation. If they respond “Why would you do that?” that’s probably a sign they aren’t ready yet. If they smile and says they’ve done the same, the conversation will flow much easier.

For more do’s and don’ts check out the rest of their tips here.